Ember G Writes

Hey everyone! How are you doing? Sorry there was no blog last week! I had a bout of sickness, still not to sure what it was but it definately wasn’t a fun time! I feel a lot better now, I’m still not fully there yet, my appitite hasn’t really been there for the past week.

I only have 6 weeks officially left of this gap year program. Looking back I can see how much I have changed, I feel like I have matured a lot and my confidence has certainly grew. I currently feel like I am getting to the end of a book that I am sad is ending. You know when you are reading a series of books, and you get attached to characters but also know things are going to change, the plot of the book is in the process of changing.

I am not any closer to making a decision for next year, I really need to figure that out. I know I am running out of time, but I also know I still have time. It’s like I am in a weird limbo, not sure what to do, where to go and in a way, how to do it. I don’t know if this makes any sense to you, the reader.

I guess I am almost anticipating the ending pages of this year. I think I am really close to the end of this story, I’m beginning to think about the next book, what the plot is going to be, who the new characters are going to be or maybe the old characters returning to the series, that is my life.

I think I have an ultimate goal of where I want to go with my life, I just don’t know what to pursue in my life right now. I am in my 20’s, I know I have plenty of time to figure things out but as for the next step? I am clueless. Its almost frustrating. I feel overwhellmed with the prospect of this year ending, its quite frankly terrifying that its coming to an end, especially since I don’t know where to turn in terms of next year.

A part of me wants a completely fresh start, in a completely new city. Another part of me is torn between staying here or going back to my home city. I think the easy option for me, would be a new city because that means I don’t have to choose between this city, the people I have met, the friendships I have made and my family, the childhood/long time friends who know the very depths of me, as a person.

If I go to a new city, I feel like that is almost running away? It would still be a challenge to me of course! I just feel like I don’t really have a place, here or in my home city. I as a christian, have been praying for months about this situation, but God is doing that thing where he hasn’t replied, which genrally means I have to make a decision, either way, God will still use the decision I make.

I however, am really awful at making decisions! I always get worried about making the “wrong” decision. This gap year was one of those occasions that was very clear as to where I needed to be/go. I don’t regret doing this year. Don’t get me wrong, it has been difficult and even challenging at times. I feel like I am only now grasping what I was supposed to be doing this year.

I know a few people on leadership team and a few friends I have made, want me to stay here. I want to come to that decision for myself and not for anyone else. I don’t want to be pushed into staying, I want to stay on my own terms. I find it off putting when people are pushy, whether their intentions are good and they truly mean well. I guess its because I am stubborn and strong minded! I definately think I have Belief in my top 10 strengths! (Look into strength finders, my writing kind of reflects my strengths, see if you can figure them out!)

I’m sorry that this blog has been quite a moany/ranty one today. My thoughts have just been really eating away at me and I really needed to get my thoughts out and put them to rest… at least for now. Thankyou for reading, if you have any advice for me, please message me on my instagram or leave a comment on here.

Stay safe everyone! Thanks again.

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INSTAGRAM: embergwrites