Ember G Writes

ANY RUDE OR DISRESPECTFUL COMMENTS DIRECTED AT ME, OR ANOTHER READER, WILL BE DELETED & YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. THANKYOU.

Today’s blog will be about my Faith & my struggle with Mental Health. If this may be difficult, unhelpful or triggering to you, please skip or be responsible with reading…

I have been pretty open about my mental health and faith with people, even a little bit on this blog. Although I wish I could help, give great advice or give support to the people who need it, I know I can’t necessarily do that.

In some ways, this blog can be helpful to others. I hope that you know, if you are struggling mentally and you have a faith, you aren’t alone. Recently I have been struggling more than usual. As some of you know, I took part in a gap year program with a church, where I was involved with lots of wonderful ministries.

You may also know that the gap year has ended. I am in a weird kind of limbo at the moment, unemployed and processing a year of good things, basically by myself, all while trying to remain in a positive mental space. It has been ridiculously hard, trying to adjust to having no routine or structure to my days.

Not being busy, is something I have really struggled with, especially since I have gone from doing something new every single day, to nothing at all. I have been job hunting and applying here-there-and- everywhere, for a solid three weeks. I’ve had applications be declined for different things.

I am trusting that God has it in hand, that he has the right job for me. It’s been extremely hard to keep believing that, I think it’s important that Christians should acknowledge the seasons of quiet silence. It’s hard to keep going. We need to accept and admit when we are in those seasons.

It’s currently night as I write this blog. It seems like its going to be a night of crying and crying out to God to speak to me, to show me. I felt it coming on through the day and now, its finally starting to surface. My mental health has been a bit rocky for a couple days. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get my medication sorted for a few weeks.

It would seem my lack of medication is heightening my emotions, worries and anxieties! I also think that lack of sleep might be attributing to it, which is also due to the lack of medication. Isn’t it amazing what a decent night’s sleep can do?

To help with the times I feel like this, I have taken to journaling. Being able to pour out my thoughts, worries, anxieties and other things on my mind, onto paper is a much needed form of relief. It silences the busy-ness, the loud thoughts in my head.

When I was younger I used to keep a diary, documenting my school days or interactions with friends and family. I sometimes read it back, laughing at all the very silly situations I would get myself into. All the boy drama, friend drama or just general teenage nonsense is documented in that sparkly purple book!

With journalling now, I like to read it back. I like to see where I was and to see the progress and change within those pages. I know that, right now, as I worry and stress and document… I will look back at it one day and smile, maybe even laugh. I know that what feels empty, numb and never-ending, will also passby.

I also know that when I look back, I’ll probably see God’s faithful hand in my writing. Even now, as I feel like a total fraud in myself, God sees it and will deliver me from it. I hold on to that promise. This time in my life, is only a tiny fraction of the tapestry God is creating.

What looks huge now, will look tiny soon. Let’s all hold onto that. God said, faith as small as a mustard seed can move moutains. Let’s trust that those gigantic moutains we are encountering now, will move, so we can see the clear path that is laid out before us.

Em x