Ember G Writes

Hey everyone, how are you doing? How has your week been? What are you festive plans? Let me know.

Authenticity is something that has always been important to me and, I have been promising blog posts for months, a regular schedule for uploads, more content etc, but as you know… none of that has happened.

The truth is, I feel as though I have lost a sense of myself. I feel as though I lost my creativity. This hasn’t been a recent occurance, its been a good five – maybe six years, of feeling like this. I had a fresh burst of creativity in 2020. Which – I guess, is because there was nothing for me to do other than use my imagination.

Over the past few days (including today as I write this) I have sat myself down and really thought about life. I think a lot anyway – but this? It has been a real deep reflection of myself, my situations and my story. Looking back now, I can see why cultivating my creativity or squeezing any creativity out, has been like pulling teeth!

After so many knocks to my confidence in my creativity, ability and myself… I am not surprised. In this time I also lost a parent, within another very stressful period of my life. I have been emotionally, spiritually and mentally manipulated/abused and I have to work through those things.

There is no shame whatsoever at going to seek help and to work through things. I think I have finally come to a stage where I am ready to really tackle the issues of my past, and to move forward into a healthier version of myself. Over the course of 2022 (and part of 2021) healing has took place, I can talk about situations and not be angry.

Of course, this is a process of healing and I do believe you have to put work in. I have reached a point where I am willing to work through things, I want to get better mentally and I know it is going to be a challenge. I am not hysterical about this process, I am calm and ready. So, I have decided that over the next year I am going to work on myself.

I am going to look into regular therapy, I want to start looking after my health (Physical & Mental) but in order to do that, I need support. I need people keeping me accountable, I need people to push me and as of right now… I don’t really have that in place, within my home city. I am not doing this for anyone but myself. I have issues that need to be tackled, I have to forgive people who have hurt me, I need to learn how to manage my mental health and what is a useful coping mechanism/ what exactly my triggers are.

Faith wise however I feel like I am at a really good place, which is a miracle in itself considering my past! I don’t know how all this is going to go down next year, I’m really determined to work through all that stuff. If you have any tips for that, please do let me know!

As for this blog, I am not to sure what I’m going to do… yet. I don’t know if I should keep this page, take some time away from it or even… just start afresh… I have not made any decisions at the moment. I am going to take a look at what I want to post on here and the instagram attached to this page. It’s hard to keep up with a blog when I don’t really have anything to write about or am really present in the process.

I am going to look into rebranding this blog maybe? I don’t know yet, I feel like I have lost the dynamic and my interest of the blog? Like I said, I have been thinking a lot, I thought I should at least be honest as to where I am mentally – surrounding this this blog page.

I started it to get my thoughts out but now, I just find it really difficult and I am not enjoying it anymore…

Again this might all just be because I’ve gotten to the point where I know I need to tackle things. It is important that they are tackled.

I will probably keep blogging, but I might need some time away to tackle those things and come back fresh and ready to blog again.

Let me know your thoughts. Stay safe.